Billie Eilish released Everything I Wanted in 2019 right before the pandemic. She wrote the lyrics after she had a dream about committing suicide. The song later became a tribute to her brother and how much she cared for him. However, the tones of self harm are still found in her lyrics. At my worst I seriously contemplated taking my life. These moments were often after I got what I wanted only to realize the “nightmare” I had created for myself and thought I could never get out of.
I began to cover this song on live streams during the pandemic. The song speaks to me on a lot of levels. One being that everything that I want rarely fulfills me and most of the time leaves me feeling empty. All of the success, money, and stuff in the world ultimately is a fool's errand that never satisfies.
Another is that your words and how you treat people matter. Your words can either lift someone up or tear them down. And, in today’s world I would say it’s better to err on the side of kindness because you have no idea the dark places you may send someone with your harsh or mean words. We for sure saw too much of that online during the pandemic and still see too much of it now.
Once again though there is hope. The reality is that we can feel alone. That no one is for us. However, the protagonist in this song calls out, “As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you.” and “If I could change the way that you see yourself. You wouldn’t wonder why you’re here.” Whether you realize it or not there is someone for you.